Mango & Walnut Breakfast

If you ever start eating raw and vegan be prepared for people to ask you if you are getting enough protein. Do I look like I am starving? Anyways, the other morning I was hungry and cut up a mango, which was all juicy and like perfect-ripe. I was so happy about it and then I realized maybe some walnuts would be good with it. Holy yummy grail. It was delicious. The two flavors play really well with each other. Just make sure to get a really juicy ripe mango and you are good to go.

Mango Walnut Breakie Recipe
Half a mango (put the other half in plastic and leave in fridge for following morning or afternoon snack)
A handful of walnuts (my hands are très très petit so maybe a half-handful for any ogre-hands out there)

Put in bowl and eat. Yum!

If mangoes scare you (what color? how do I cut them? what is happening in the middle of them—is it a party I can’t get invited to?) then watch the video below:

Eating Vegan, Specifically Vegan Ceviche

Work has been nuts. I'm at a small start-up that our CEO likes to say isn't a start-up. I say, it's a start-up until money isn't an issue and I can fake take out clients, meaning my friends, for lunch. So work is busy and I am chubby. But only one of those I can change. I re-read a part of Eat to Live and realized I needed more veganism in my life. So off I go eating more raw and vegan delights—many of which just aren't good enough to post about. That is until I tried vegan ceviche. This recipe is from Whole Foods and is really delicious. Whole Fooders say to put it over rice, but I ate mine in lettuce cups and it was tasty. If you like heat I would do a pepper and a half. Also most tofu packages are 14 ounces. Really? You want us to use 2 packages and then a smidge of another? Lame. I used one and threw in cilantro like it was my job since i like it so much. I didn't seed the tomatoes very well which made mine very saucy. I also gave an f-u to parchment paper as I didn't have any. The pan cleans up fine. I did overcook and it made my tofu even crispier which was nice.
Bottom Line
Unless you got tofu for days just use two packages and call it one [day]. Add more cilantro or jalapeno if you're not a pansy. Eat with lettuce cups for a nearly raw experience and to make you feel healthy, wealthy and wise.

826 Valencia: Why Everyone in SF Should Know About It

My friend, Vodka, and his wife, Kiki have asked me to use pseudonyms on the internet for them. They are tech people. Tech people understand that the internet is a slate that will never really be wiped clean. They also lower-case the internet, as opposed to editors who uppercase it. I wonder what they know that they aren't telling editors. Anyways, Vodka is an actual nickname that I gave to Vodka. It also spawned calling things “Not-Vodka” which means lame. I like vodka and Vodka. Anyways, Kiki chose her own nickname but it has been one of hers historically in her real life so my attempts as K-ter and K-fed were met my dubious stares, or I guess more correctly, in am IM convo silence followed by “no.”

Anyways, we were going to Goodwill to drop off clothes, books and other odds and ends. Goodwill has got some rules. They do not accept toys. It’s "because of the lead," which made sense except they were pointing at a plush toy when that was stated. They do not take magazines which we knew. They also consider comic books magazines. Vodka has enough comic books to make all the other kids hella jealous. (He’s a native, as his wife, so they don’t make people jealous—they make them hella jealous.) He wondered out loud where these comic books could find a good home and by that in the hands of the young boys and girls who need to read cool shit and who maybe wouldn't otherwise be able to get their mitts on these. I mentioned 826 Valencia might take them. He asked what 826 was. And I thought, wait, people don’t know about this? And then I thought only my nerd writer friends probably do. So here’s the thing. 826 Valencia is hella cool.

Why 826 Valencia is Hella Cool
826 Valencia helps kids ages 6-18 with developing their writing skills. They provide after-school tutoring, field trips, workshops, but perhaps most important they fill in the gaps that the existing public school system cannot. They help kids learn how to write their college essay, prep for the SAT, while also teaching them the fun aspects of story-telling, such as creating a zine. It’s cool stuff, because it straddles both concepts of “things you need” and “things that are fun” at the same time. Writing doesn't come easy to many people. We can all see plain as day that our language is changing rapidly due to technology, but many of us will "c u later" on that one. Others, including some truly lovely ones, are markedly more upset about it. It is important that even if we break down into binary codes for online discussions that the beauty of good writing is never lost and how many work environments would just be better if people had stronger writing skills. Ok, I admit sometimes it is comprehension that gets in the way. I just think that being able to express yourself in both spoken and written forms gives you a leg up in life. If you can sound eloquent then you can even get away with bigger social no-no's like sleeping around or being passively-aggressively rude and condescending to silly people.

Like any do-gooder organization they need help to survive: basically both people and computer gear. The mural in front of the building is cool and the shop is “San Francisco’s only independent pirate supply store,” and it offers “a variety of goods, including lard, flags, eye patches, mops, glass eyes and the like.” So well it is like a Letterman joke: mostly funny because it is random. But all proceeds go to 826, which means if you want to be a pirate for Halloween or next Thursday's date night then you should pick up your gear here. And if suddenly you have some extra dough, buy some school supplies for these guys.

Singapore: The Island that Introduced Me to Periplus Mini Cookbooks

My older sister lives in Singapore. Singapore is one the greatest places in the world to eat your face off. Basically the Chinese run the show in Singapore with large populations of Malay, Indian, and, of course, transplants from Europe, America and Arab nations who want SE Asia for Beginners or got transferred there for a job. Also middle-class and up people have maids in Singapore—and most of them are from the Philippines. What does all this mean? It means the food is damn good and diversified and that creative chefs take a little from every thing to make something new and exciting. It means that in Singapore you eat your face off everyday and can’t wait for your next meal. Anyways, the only other reason to visit Singapore is for medical tourism or because you need a stable, malaria-free place to stop/recuperate/start yourself off slow while traveling through SE Asia. I know someone who went there for an operation and loved it. Maybe it was because he told the Malay nurse that he couldn’t sleep without beer and she got him one. Yep, tolerant folks those Singaporeans. Anyways in general the island is a bit boring—unless you smuggle in drugs in which case they hang you. Public hanging occur on Friday mornings.

But let’s get back to food. So I have been to Singapore a few times and always come back excited that I will be making laksa or some other dish that tasted delicious to me while there. And then I go to one of the markets on Clement, buy supplies and make a few wildly awesome meals and then just drop it. But on one trip my sister pointed out some mini cookbooks that she said were fantastic. I got a few and then later found out I can buy them easily online from Tuttle Publishing, which turns out to be the largest English-language book publishing and distribution company in Asia.

The great thing about these books is two-fold: it informs/instructs but is also fun. Like school is for English majors versus Bio-Chem people. First they are easy intros into a new type of cuisine you may have never made at home or even tried at a restaurant or friend’s house. Second the way the books are written all of the basic ingredients are described in detail at the beginning of the book and give off an authoritative, but not condescending air—they inspire confidence. One of my books opens with “All of our recipes are thoroughly tested in the Periplus test kitchen. Standard metric measuring cups are used throughout, and all cup and spoon measurements are level. We have used medium (60g, grade 3) eggs in all recipes.“ We all know that cup measurements need to be level, but they openly state it and it creates a sense of security that all has been thoroughly checked. That tone is quick, it’s swift, it means business. I can therefore cook something outside my comfort zone. These guys will help me.

Plus it is a cheap way to make some excitement in your life or someone you care about. Is your bestest gay friend down because he can’t make it to the Beirut gay scene this summer? Then pick up the intro to Lebanese cuisine and make him a nice dinner. He might still be down, but at least he won't be hungry and sad.

The books point out any ingredients which may be difficult to find if Whole Foods or a specialty store aren’t close to you, but they often suggest alternatives that work quite well.

What’s The Deal?
Get some spark back into your kitchen and eat your face off like a Singaporean with some kick-butt recipe books that are easy to follow and mostly cost about 10 bucks a piece. Purchase the titles in the “made easy” series if you aren’t so artful or apt in the kitchen or if you just don’t deal with things like chopping up full animals or fish parts as some of the recipes are old school and will have you cutting up a whole chicken—which as we know makes some people happy like the Husband in Meadowlands, which is another book everyone should own.


Disclosure: In the Japanese Homestyle Favorites I found one mistake where an ingredient is listed but never then integrated into the recipe’s instructional text which made me feel like “aha!” more than “argh!”

Morality: An Irate Cab Driver, Heaven & Voyeuristic Priests

“Your drivers are liars. None of them will go to heaven.”

This is what my West African cab driver screamed down the funnel of his radio this morning.

A few days ago my older sister sent me an email.

“I’m working on a paper on morality. What do you think are the moral rules we grew up with? So far,

For Papa:

1. Family comes first.


2. Religious commitment is of the utmost importance.


3. Always give to the needy.


4. It’s ok to plunder the earth for man’s comfort.


5. Don’t trust anyone not of the same ethnic group or governments.


6. If you don’t get caught then it’s ok.

For Mom:

1. Always follow the rules.


2. Do as I say not as I do.


3. Men are to be respected, but are inferior.


4. Never lie.

I ended up adding to her list:

For Papa

1. Anything that achieves the greater good is irreproachable.

For Mom

1. Excess resources should be given to those less fortunate.


2. People should be judged by the content of their character.


3. People should be judged for any negative action—even if they undeniably serve the purpose of a greater good.

And so morality, heaven, incongruous ideals of parents and an angry cab driver fill up the space between my ears.

I grew up in a religious house. Church was attended on Sundays and after my mother’s conversion we found out just how orthodox Orthodoxy can be. We had up to that point had a more lenient version at our disposal. I remember sneaking food before the dinner prayer. I remember how I felt like it was poisoned and was going to kill me. I remember thinking that God was watching and by default that meant the priests with the darkest beards were probably watching me too, like some movie they would put into their minds of all the bad things I would do, playing for them to watch at any time. I remember all of this fondly. When I decided that religion, specifically church, wasn’t for me, I packed up my proverbial red wagon and piled these memories on top. I knew I wanted them, but I wasn’t sure for what.

Another memory: one night at dinner my mother said “If we have a little bit less so someone else can survive then we must do it.” She sounded so right, so confident. I still believe this. And if you want to make your kid a liberal then try this exact line on them, preferable before age 8, Jesuit-style. It will help if they have huge reserves of empathy, because it will place a yoke on them. You have to help people. You don’t have any choice in the matter so figure out how to be useful in the world. We are all in this together. “This” not being explained beyond the fact that “this” just is. If that’s not a morality lesson devoid of religion—and, of course, also a place where religion could easily be inserted—then I don’t know what is.


No one talks about morality anymore. It’s not how we operate. We consider very few things as “moral dilemmas” even if they are. Why is this? Is it because moral is baptized in religion for many of us? It shouldn’t be that way. I think maybe we do need to think about morality—and not in that Fox News way, but to take back that word from the judge-y hands that have been massaging it into their submission. The only other alternative I can think of comes from some snippets I remember from my maternal grandmother. Grams, a good friend and a user of comedy and wit to excise herself from complicated or messy situations, often invoked with regards to organized religion, “Just try to be a good person—that’s hard enough.”

Naughty Gluten-Free, Fat-filled Macaroni & Cheese with Broccoli

I need to lose 15 or 25 lbs. I’m not sure because I stopped looking at the scale. Anyways supposedly I am on board and committed to this. Supposedly. I had a crappy work day today and thought maybe I could treat myself with something...um...heroin, cocaine, barbiturate sedation are all not options so I decided on a little macaroni and cheese. Yes, of course, it will be gluten free, but tonight I do need dairy. Just a little crème fraîche. And if I add some greens then maybe that will assuage the guilt. Maybe? Here’s what we got:

 

1. 2-medium or 1 really big stalk of broccoli (heads only—use the stalks for a soup puree as they last in the fridge for a few days)


2. 1-1.5 c of sharp English cheddar (ERIE! I used the Irish stuff to represent the little man, which—see above—I am not.)


3. 1 package Bellwether farms crème fraîche (Go Sonoma!)


4. 1 package brown rice elbow pasta (I had some Tinkyáda who gives you ultimate confidence when first starting gluten-free cooking as it says, “The good texture of Tinkyáda can withstand quite a bit of over-cooking” and then there’s the two rabbits shouting “Not Mushy!” which is fairly enjoyable too.)


5. 1.5 cups fresh basil


6. 1.5 Tb of fresh shallots, onions and garlic (wah? Yeah, they have a package at TJ's with this. And now that I am fat I also think I should be lazy. Otherwise I’m un-American. Right?)


7. 1Tb olive oil

 

 Get two pots of water boiling. One will have pasta and the other place a basket or better yet have it be a steamer. This is a good time to open some wine. Now, think about the moral lessons your parents taught you. If you had two parents in your life—how contradictory were their ideals from each other?

Ok, water’s boiling. Pay attention. Steam broccoli until it is a bright vibrant green and when you place a fork through the flesh it doesn’t go through easily but can make it to the other side without Michelle Obama arms. Stop cooking the broccoli. Let sit with lid off.

Place some salt in the pasta pot. Cook the pasta until it is done or even overdone if it is Tinkyáda. This is about 15 minutes to 30 depending on what kind of brown-rice pasta you purchase. Follow the package or just sit and drink wine and stir when it over-boils. Whatever feels more comfortable to you. Once the pasta is done, drain it.

Get out a pan, over a medium flame pour in the olive oil. Add shallot, onion, garlic mixture. Tend it until it is golden. This is the one part where you may have to really pay attention. Once they are golden brown, turn down the heat to low. Add in the broccoli. Add in the crème fraîche a tablespoon at a time and after two tablespoons start to add in a handful of cheese with each crème fraîche addition. Keep stirring. You will be a piggie and use all the crème fraîche. You do not need all the cheese though so stop throwing that in like confetti at a birthday party. Add the pasta to the pan and continue to gently fold in ingredients. Stop adding cheese if it gets too stringy. Add in basil last. Some people may wish to salt and pepper.
 
Look at the pan. Turn around make sure no one can see and eat out of it for 1 minute. Get a bowl. Pour more wine. Decide that you like chubby things—like babies—and that being chubby makes you cuter. Everyone likes babies. This will serve 2 people as a complete meal or if you add a big salad then you could stretch it to feed 4.

Let's Get Nutty: Do Roasted Brussel Sprouts & Scallops Work Well Together?

 
 
I didn't know the answer to this and I had a flood in my kitchen a few days back which laid claim to many of the spices I kept in a big bowl on a shelf. So I was going to have to try to answer do Brussels spouts and scallops work well together—and I was going to do it with minimal seasoning. And I also thought—what if we keep it simple? Roasted Brussels sprouts with only salt and pepper and scallops done Koka Vera style. Koka Vera, was one of the most amazing forces of nature I have ever met, and she was my aunt. She died from cancer, but before she did she cooked up some amazing meals and gave out lots of questionable advice. She was a true matriarch. So this is her scallops recipe and it is easy (as long as you don't over cook the scallops), and is low-effort and high-reward. As it turned out, Brussels sprouts flavor overpowers the scallops even with the added liquer. Both were tasty but not exactly best friends this time around. So I suggest doing them separately. Aren't you glad I messed up so you don't have to?


Recipes: Cooking Scallops Vera Style
 
 
Vera, rarely if ever, gave you a recipe with true measurements. So in that tradition I will share this one. It might sound more authentic with a slight Russian accent so try to have one when reading this aloud.

Clean scallops, making sure to remove any of the tough foot should it have been left on. If you are using frozen scallops, defrost slowly. It is best to let them sit in the fridge for a day. So you take them out of the freezer in the morning, go about your day and come home at 5,6,9 and then if needed run them under cold water to detach any ice. I used the Japanese frozen scallops from Trader Joe's this time. They are bigger than the other version available at the store.

Place a thick layer of flour on a plate. I use rice flour as I like how "soft" it is and I avoid gluten in my diet more often than not. Add in salt and pepper. How much? Well, I do about three to four shakes of a La Baleiene bottle, and enough pepper until it looks like Abraham Benrubi's beard.

Place scallops on the plate and get each one covered by flour then shake off the excess.

Get a large pan and fill the bottom with olive oil at a medium temperature. Let the pan sit for a few minutes and warm up. Start placing the scallops into the pan. Once you have all the scallops in the pan then go to the first ones you placed down and flip them. Once you have flipped each one once you then count "one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three-one thousand, four one thousand, six-one thousand, seven-one-thousand, eight-one-thousand" before you touch them again. It is easiest to use tongs to flip them. If they are sticking move the oil in the pan to loosen them up. If that doesn't work, take down the heat a smidge. While you are turning them eventually they will feel like they have less give. Cut one open and take a look if it's a bit soft in the middle then the time is right to pour in enough Grand Marnier to cover the bottom of the pan and put a lid on it. Turn the heat to low. keep the lid on until the sizzling/popping sounds stop. If you can't hear the noise start then just give it one minute. Take off the lid and plate, serve or eat straight from the pan if you live alone and like doing that.

Roasted Brussels Sprouts
I don't like Brussels sprouts, but roasted they taste delicious. If you have never liked them try this Brussels sprouts recipe and just see if it changes your mind.

Turn the oven on to 400.

Trim off the end of the sprouts and any leaves which are not a version of light or dark green.

In a bowl, mix Brussels sprouts with a tablespoon of olive oil.Add in salt and pepper.

If you have a Wolf range then you can stick your food in now. Everyone else, sit, relax, pour yourself a glass of wine while your oven heats up.

Roast the sprouts for about 20 minutes then open the door and see how quickly a fork will go through them. When done, they will be charred on the outside, but should be able to have a fork slip into them easily. It can take up to 40 minutes to cook depending on your oven, your pan and whether or not you believe in unicorns.