Naughty Gluten-Free, Fat-filled Macaroni & Cheese with Broccoli

I need to lose 15 or 25 lbs. I’m not sure because I stopped looking at the scale. Anyways supposedly I am on board and committed to this. Supposedly. I had a crappy work day today and thought maybe I could treat myself with something...um...heroin, cocaine, barbiturate sedation are all not options so I decided on a little macaroni and cheese. Yes, of course, it will be gluten free, but tonight I do need dairy. Just a little crème fraîche. And if I add some greens then maybe that will assuage the guilt. Maybe? Here’s what we got:

 

1. 2-medium or 1 really big stalk of broccoli (heads only—use the stalks for a soup puree as they last in the fridge for a few days)


2. 1-1.5 c of sharp English cheddar (ERIE! I used the Irish stuff to represent the little man, which—see above—I am not.)


3. 1 package Bellwether farms crème fraîche (Go Sonoma!)


4. 1 package brown rice elbow pasta (I had some Tinkyáda who gives you ultimate confidence when first starting gluten-free cooking as it says, “The good texture of Tinkyáda can withstand quite a bit of over-cooking” and then there’s the two rabbits shouting “Not Mushy!” which is fairly enjoyable too.)


5. 1.5 cups fresh basil


6. 1.5 Tb of fresh shallots, onions and garlic (wah? Yeah, they have a package at TJ's with this. And now that I am fat I also think I should be lazy. Otherwise I’m un-American. Right?)


7. 1Tb olive oil

 

 Get two pots of water boiling. One will have pasta and the other place a basket or better yet have it be a steamer. This is a good time to open some wine. Now, think about the moral lessons your parents taught you. If you had two parents in your life—how contradictory were their ideals from each other?

Ok, water’s boiling. Pay attention. Steam broccoli until it is a bright vibrant green and when you place a fork through the flesh it doesn’t go through easily but can make it to the other side without Michelle Obama arms. Stop cooking the broccoli. Let sit with lid off.

Place some salt in the pasta pot. Cook the pasta until it is done or even overdone if it is Tinkyáda. This is about 15 minutes to 30 depending on what kind of brown-rice pasta you purchase. Follow the package or just sit and drink wine and stir when it over-boils. Whatever feels more comfortable to you. Once the pasta is done, drain it.

Get out a pan, over a medium flame pour in the olive oil. Add shallot, onion, garlic mixture. Tend it until it is golden. This is the one part where you may have to really pay attention. Once they are golden brown, turn down the heat to low. Add in the broccoli. Add in the crème fraîche a tablespoon at a time and after two tablespoons start to add in a handful of cheese with each crème fraîche addition. Keep stirring. You will be a piggie and use all the crème fraîche. You do not need all the cheese though so stop throwing that in like confetti at a birthday party. Add the pasta to the pan and continue to gently fold in ingredients. Stop adding cheese if it gets too stringy. Add in basil last. Some people may wish to salt and pepper.
 
Look at the pan. Turn around make sure no one can see and eat out of it for 1 minute. Get a bowl. Pour more wine. Decide that you like chubby things—like babies—and that being chubby makes you cuter. Everyone likes babies. This will serve 2 people as a complete meal or if you add a big salad then you could stretch it to feed 4.